A Note to my Son

Hey buddy. I hope you're good where you are- oh wait, you were good where ever you went. So I already know you're well. Just wanted to tell you I still love you and will always love you. Saw a smudge from your hand on the window today, normally I'd clean that up but I think I'll keep it for a while. I miss making you laugh by just showing you my hand in front of your face. Maybe the hand print is a sign telling me to cheer up and laugh. Someone making you laugh where you are? I miss kissing your belly to make you laugh and hearing you yell when you get so excited you can't stand it. OK bud, I have to stop thinking about how much I miss you. You would be 8 months old! You would be getting close to walking or crawling soon. I think walking was going to be first. You would be ... OK I really have to stop now, I'm getting too sad thinking about what you would be like. How about I check in with you later, OK?

A friend of mine passed away a couple days ago (I know, not the more fun post so far). He was someone that I looked up to in a lot of ways. He came to Caius's celebration of life and was really upset about my loss. He was a good father, he was hard working, a nice guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He, like me, sold fitness equipment and he, like me, loved his job. It was hard for him seeing me go through a big loss like I have. Now he is gone too, but what he taught me will live on. He taught me to not follow the crowd, to stand up for what I think is right and to value all the relationships I have with everyone I meet- and that means everyone! I would introduce him to people and right away he would treat them like he knew them forever.

My friend was very much like Caius and if he was here right now he would tell me: Don't live in 'what could have been', live in what was and what will be again. So I will listen to his wise words and say: Caius, I miss you bud. I will always miss you as what we have is eternal. My friend knew that and would be telling me that right now if I was chatting with him. Just like I know Caius would be smiling and laughing, my friend would be giving me wise words or cracking a joke. Also, they would both be hoping their Dad/friend wouldn't get caught up in the 'what could have been's'. They would want me to cherish every breath and every positive moment. I sure hope that my friend is in a good place and maybe he is talking to Caius for me. If so, I know he would say "your dad is very proud of you" and being the funny guy he is, maybe he would get a chance to make Caius laugh. If he does, he is a lucky man as there was no better sound than a Caius laugh. So instead of thinking of what would be if you both were here, I'm going imagine you are both somewhere awesome. We all were so lucky to experience your awesomeness! You both made the world a better place and are going to live on with your families as people that changed the world for the better. You did it with a smile. A phone call, a laugh, a hug, with so many little things that added up to one big awesome piece of love. That you shared effortlessly. I will miss you both and will continue to remember you. As long as I remember you guys, you will be alive and I won't have to think of what would or could have been. Make Caius laugh for me, Dan.

Dedicated to Dan E.

"hey" I love you all

Clint