Robin eggs

I recently heard a story about children finding a bird's nest and, on the ground nearby, a robin's eggs. The children carefully carried the eggs to show their mother, aware of how delicate the shells were. They cupped their hands and walked slowly towards her, as though the slow pace of their steps would provide extra protection. As the mother reached out for a closer look, she accidently broke one of the thin shells. Instantly, without reason or intention, life was lost. This story stuck with me for two reasons. One was the obvious connection to the being within the egg and the quick end to it's short existence. The other was speed in which it was lost.

I have no regrets about the time I got to spend with Caius. I can honestly say I loved every bit of that sweet boy every single second he was here. I loved him when he would cry from colic, I loved him when he fussed in the car, I loved him when he pooped in his diaper right after I got him dressed in his snowsuit. I loved him because he was beautiful, inside and out. Even when he squirmed and screamed from tummy pains and teething, I LOVED him. I told him every day, looking into his big green eyes and kissing his forehead. I whispered it to him while he drifted off to sleep after eating, stroking his soft hair and breathing in that intoxicating 'baby' smell. I told him silently when I hugged him close and gently stroked his chubby little hands. I loved him so much. I will forever.

The robin's eggs were delicate, and even though the mother didn't want to break the shell, it happened. I've had two grandparents, an aunt and two uncles pass away, and a few colleagues who were the same age as me. I remember those last deaths affecting me hard, because it reminded me that life can be shorter than we expect. After Caius passed away, this reality became even more clear. Even though babies shouldn't be taken so early, even though parents should never have to plan their child's funeral, it happens. Life is delicate.

What losing Caius has taught me so far is the importance of LIVING. I don't just mean breathing in and out, getting though each day just to get to the next. I mean getting the most out of your time here. If you are reading this, you have been blessed with life. We need to start living. NOW. We need to be grateful for what we have, what we have experienced, what we have been given. Life is not fair, but it can be awesome. 

I have vowed to keep Caius alive by continuing to live my life. I have to live for the two of us, which means when I try to help others and spread love, I have to do it with twice the energy and intention. It's true that I often feel guilty for still being here, for being able to enjoy even the most basic parts of daily life. It's not always easy to do as sometimes I beg for the day to pass as quickly as possible just to get through the pain it brings. It's something I will struggle with for a long time, likely forever. But life is like the thin shell of a robin's egg.

Caius had a short life that was filled with love and happiness. I am so thankful for everything we was able to experience. He had fun. He smiled, laughed, squealed his days away. He lived it up! So to borrow a line from Clint, be like Caius. Live each day as fully as you can. And help your children do the same if you can. Put down the phone, turn off the TV, and enjoy your time with those around you. Share your love. If there's something in your life that isn't working for you, change it! If there's something you're putting off that may bring you more happiness, do it now! Life is delicate. Let's appreciate it together and make the most of it. Sure, a robin's egg is fragile, but it doesn't always break early. There is a reason you are here. Live your life. 💓

Chantal

(I love you buddy. Missing your sweet baby smell so much today)